


An End To The Short Jokes

by AliceRayne



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 16:44:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15147476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceRayne/pseuds/AliceRayne
Summary: Peter's just super done with all the short jokes.





	An End To The Short Jokes

**Author's Note:**

> Look at [this](https://www.instagram.com/p/Bkv6q9bHfv8/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=d0wbppadb6rz) first before reading this fic pals, otherwise it won't be as cute (I hope) or make as much sense!
> 
> Credit to the artist! 
> 
> [ Malelo1002](https://malelo1002.tumblr.com/post/172597710909/spidey-and-deadpool) Give them a follow, guys!

And this leads to Wade making a lot of short jokes and puns every. **single**. _TIME_. They team up. Honestly, Peter should have never reacted to Wade's teasing the first time. Now look, the merc is poking at him left and right knowing that height jokes gets on his nerves. Sigh. He's been hearing and enduring it politely for almost an entire month now; he doesn't think he can be very polite anymore if he hears one more short jok-       

"Hey, Spidey?" He hears Wade call, a little muffled and gross because the man is chewing his food (jeez, Wade, swallow before you speak!). 

"Yeah, Wade?" He answers before he bites into his own burrito. He's got to know where Wade goes to buy their food today, everything is so delicious! 

Wade swallows his food but gets oddly quiet for a bit, like he is thinking on what to say or something. He turns to face Peter, a big smile on his face (oh boy, this is gonna be a short joke, he could _feel_ it), says "y'know baby boy, I've met people of all kinds, from the highs and the lows, but I gotta say you're probably the most down-to-earth guy I ever met." 

Huh. That was... kind of sweet.... and a weird way of saying it but- 

"That was actually kind of sweet, Wade." 

The smile on the merc's face widens, and the way he says "I'm sweet all the time, my arachnid babe!" in that high pitched tone and breathless way is really, really weird. Maybe Wade isn't used to getting compliments? He mentally shrugs, turns back to the awesome view of his city to enjoy the rest of his burrito. 

On his left, he keeps hearing Wade snorting, supressed snorts or chuckles. "It's probably something to do with the boxes," he starts to think, taking another bite from this huge and seriously delicious burrito, "there were no shor-"

Wait. Wait a freaking minute. 

From the _highs and lows_? Most _down_ -to-earth??

He whirls around to look at Wade, putting down the burrito carefully at his side. " _WADE_ , was that _another_ freaking short joke???" 

The merc throws his head back, clutching one-handedly at his stomach, bursting into his loud, ugly laughter. 

"Oh man, y-you took s -hihihi- so long to catch on too!" and he rolls off the ledge back onto the roof, burrito still amazingly in hand. "Gues-Guess you'll a-always be on- on," a burst of giggles is let out, "the _short_ end of the jokes?" and there's another peal of laughter breaking out from the man. 

Peter is seriously not amused. Like Queen Victoria from Doctor Who not amused. His jokes are not even funny!

That's it. 

Peter slips off the ledge, stands right next to Wade's laughter-shaken body. He curls one hand around the merc's ankle then lifts the merc into the air. The man's laughter was immediately cut off with a surprised yelp and a dull squish sound, as the burrito in Wade's hand drops to the floor. 

"Right," Peter casually says, "enough is enough, Wade. And I am super _done_ with all the short jokes." 

He swings the merc onto his shoulder in a really bad potato sack carry because the merc is stupidly broad but it'll have to do. He turns around to walk back to the ledge. As he walks, he feels something poking into his shoulder. 

"Just so you know, baby boy,  if you feel something a-nudging that is **not** my handguns or katana swords." Wade says with what he imagines is his most lecherous smile. Peter ignores this to get his objective done. 

Once at the edge, he tips Wade over and off the side -"Wait, what the fuck?? _Spidey_?!?!"- quickly shooting out two webs on to the merc's back, then walking back to the roof access to wind the other ends of the webs around the stairs railing (his webs weren't meant to be so short, after all). He walks back to the ledge, looks down at Wade dangling pretty precariously from his webs four floors below.

"Wow, you were right, Wade! The view from up here _is_ great!" He's pretty even the stupid pigeons in this city could hear the glee in his voice. 

Wade looks up, face distinctly unhappy and just a little bit scared and isn't that oh-so-satisfying? "Oh my god, dude! There are tons of more fun ways to get me to look up to him and _this_ is where you bring us? It was getting good too with the manhandling and shit. There was the boner joke too! You'd set it up perfectly to be some kind of smexy thing! I feel cheated!" 

Peter gets the distinct feeling that Wade is not talking to him, but resists asking exactly who he was talking to. He wouldn't understand anyway. "Well, Wade, those smexy things are reserved for people who are dating or are romantic partners, both of which we are not."

"We would be if you'd just let me take you on a date! Oooorrr if you'd consider all our after patrol dinners as dates we could-"

"Don't finish that sentence, Wade." Peter interrupts as he sits back down on the ledge with the bag of tex-mex food. He rummages through them loudly, laughs when he hears the squawk of protest -"shared food, spidey, shaaaared fooood!"- from the merc. 

"Oh, look! You have chimichangas in here too! I guess they're all mine now!" He gives an evil, super satisfied chuckle just to add to the drama.  
He brings out the packaging then sets aside the take-out bag. He opens the container and-

"Spidey, we're supposed to share that!"

"Nah, Wade, I think you could do with dangling down there just a bit longer while I-"

"No, baby boy, _share_!"

Wade is suddenly in front of him, caging him in with his hands on his shoulder and straddling him, huge thighs on both sides of his own. They were so close, he was practically breathing in Wade! What the eff? What the eff? What does one do in this situation? Help!

"Yknow, Spidey-boo, of all the times I look down on you, I like this view the most." The man grins, smug and insufferable. 

Well. He knows what to do now. 

He punts the man off the ledge and sticks him to the wall when he tries to scale back up.

Ignoring the merc's cry of "I feel cheated again, lady! Stop this unfairness!" Peter sits down to enjoy his meal. 

(That Wade paid for but whatever, Peter will get the next after patrol dinner.)

"There better be some kissing or something next time, lady! You made me lose out on some prime fun stuff and seriously good food, here!" 

He hears Wade say but again, he ignores it. This is ridiculously good chimichanga, and he will enjoy it. He really needs to know where the merc bought their dinner!

(Sorry, Wade. Naaah, not really.)


End file.
